I disabled my Instagram, my biggest source of entertainment and distraction, I have no feelings about this move, I know I will most probably get back to it tomorrow. I also deleted Twitter from my phone yesterday after I saw Raman’s tweet on my feed. I’m very proud of the healthy decisions I have been able to make lately. Yesterday my calendar reminded me it is his birthday today and I decided that under no circumstances I will text or call him, not out of anger you know? Just that…if I really wish that he has a good birthday, wise thing to do would be to not bother him and risk causing him panic or spiralling myself. The realisation that sometimes our absence does more good than presence is nice. It makes me want to be able to pull myself out of situations instead of screaming truth nobody cares about.

It is a good day with my healthy brain. It is Dad’s mahina today, so mom fed a poor person who came at the door, gave him Dad’s clothes. He also tried pile on and took a bath in the garden and my mother’s giving nature once again won over my stern words when I asked him to leave. After demanding tea and water bottle and a towel and a blanket, this person was finally made to leave (you are welcome, mother). You just cannot leave my mother alone and expect her to not give away every last thing we own, when I tell people this they want me to be proud of her but the truth is we do not have much left to give, so maybe a wiser choice would be to not be proud of her and discourage her Saint Tukaram habits.

It was Saurabh’s Dad’s birthday yesterday, Tanmay and I went to visit them and they were so happy. His Dad is a moderately strict man who likes to stick to his old values, his mom is a sweet person who would not allow us to leave without dinner. We ended up having (the best) khichadi and kande bhaje. They also didn’t allow Tanmay to drop me home and insisted on driving me themselves, they got to meet my mother and had a nice conversation. I hope they slept well after that. I really wish Saurabh was here to see this, he would have been very happy to see his friends surprising his Dad. He deserved so much, so did Dad, so does Raman.

So yes, that was another day of surviving harder and loving louder.